Fear and Faith

I really tried to think of what I could write about this week. School started. But nothing really happened there other than I wish I had a nickel for everytime I heard, "You're a Senior?!" I don't blame them though because, frankly, I can't believe it myself. In fact, as I write this, I am anticipating yet another adventure with all my cousins this afternoon. Its really easy to forget how old you are when you're running across balconies, sword fighting with nothing but soundeffects, and pretending you're the only human in a halloween-themed highschool.

Yeah, it probably won't sink in until I'm standing in the front of some college campus.

Anyways, I realized with school came seminary. And with seminary came reading assighnments. And with those, of course, came scriptural--and life--lessons.

So, Moses 1:20.

This is an amazing chapter (as most chapters are) and I feel bad for being half-asleep when I read it. But there was part that actually turned my thoughts away from my pillow. For now, however, I just want to share a small part of it. The beginning of verse 20 reads, "And it came to to pass that Moses began to fear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of hell. Nevertheless, calling upon God, he recieved strength..."

There are probably close to a hundred different lessons you could get out of this verse alone, but the one that stood out to me the most was that Moses didn't see 'the bitterness of hell' until 'he began to fear'. Before this verse it describes God talking to Moses face to face. Right after that Satan confronts him and he becomes a little weak in the knees.

I think this happens a lot in life. We hear or see something amazing and inspiring to the point that we even feel a little bit of God's presence there. And then, almost as soon as we are trying to apply it to our own lives, opposition comes. It comes in countless forms, but it seems the root of all of them--or the reason we don't want to try and overcome that opposition--is fear.

Again, Moses didn't see 'the bitterness of hell' until 'he began to fear'. I realized that (and here we go again turning another page in my open-book of personal problems :) I, like Moses, had a testimony. I was trying so hard to do everything right and be the best I could be. But I still had human eyes and things, mainy those annoying doubts again, began to look a little scary.

So after reading this, I tried to change my perspective a little. Say I didn't fear. Say I took all those worthy desires, callings, and goals with some confidence in the Lord...

Like some sort of magic trick, they began to fade away. Because I knew my Heavenly Father was there and because I knew he loved me, I could replace that with fear with faith--like Moses in the rest of the verse, "...Nevertheless, calling upon God, he received strength, and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of glory."

And suddenly, things didn't appear so scary. As President Monson so less-wordedly put it, "The future is as bright as your faith.